Cod Almighty | Diary

We're off to play in the play-offs, the wonderful play-offs of Oz

29 April 2026

Football can involve and inspire many thoughts and emotions but there is one, albeit precious and rare, that I enjoy more than all the others.

Smugness. 

This coming Saturday is a perfect example. Looking forward to the match, Tranmere fans? What's that? You could still be relegated? Oh dear, Tranmere. So you won't be wearing fancy dress then? Well, we're in the playoffs you see. Might not even play our strongest side. Might just put 11 traffic cones on the pitch and hope for the best. Probably still win 1-0! Only joking. Anyway, we're going to have a nice fun day out. Best of luck. Do you want a pat on the head? No? Well, there was no need for that. Very rude. 

Elsewhere of course, away from our big thick pot of smug soup, Chesterfield and Swindon will be fighting it out for the last play-off spot, with similar shenanigans taking place above us. Cambridge, Salford and Notts County can still claim the last automatic place. We've beaten all these teams at least once this season, apart from Chesterfield. We're in with a chance here, boys and girls.

Artells has difficult choices to make team-wise. With the Tranners still having an outside chance of relegation, it would be unprofessional to play traffic cones. Greens and Cooks are tired, they are weary, they could sleep for a thousand years. But give them a break and they might lose their focus. Jack Smithsons has been outstanding but should we give Chris Pymtys a game just to make sure he's a-rocking and a-rollin'? Do we need to think about avoiding injuries against a side who may be fighting for their lives? Football management, as we all know, is one of the easiest jobs on the planet, almost invariably leading to financial and footballing success and long term career longevity, but I don't envy Artells's dilemna here. I'd probably put all the players' names in a hat and draw them out. Like Bignot used to do. 

Sadly I won't be able to follow the last day drama, because I'm at a pissing wedding. What happened to declining birth rates? What happened to the male loneliness epidemic? What happened to marriage going out of fashion? Gah. Thank goodness there's nothing riding on the Town game from our point of view, otherwise I'd be pulling a sickie. I took my vows to GTFC a long time ago and they are sacrosanct.

Because it's a quiet week, because we're comfortable in our smugness play-off shoes, I'm going to end with the heading of a spoof compensation lawyer's advert in Viz because the headline still makes me giggle when I think of it:

Have YOU had a Peaky Blinders Haircut that Wasn't Your Fault? 

UTFM