Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 4 May 2004

4 May 2004

The Diary has been banned from DIY since a certain ill-fated laminate flooring project left the front room looking like a Baghdad bowling alley believed by American forces to be harbouring anti-coalition fighters. But if Mrs Diary needs a hand with her latest endeavours in decorating then she could do a fair bit worse than turn to Mariners chairman and Motorhead fan Peter Furneaux. For why? Well, in a brief interview with Town's official website - in which he analyses the club's current malaise, pays lavish tribute to the new sponsor, and ruminates on the insuperable geographical limitations that will hold back the club forever - PF shows himself more than capable of hitting the nail right on the head. "The only way Grimsby Town is going to move forward is through income that we generate," observes the chairman, "and we can only generate so much in this area - we can't spend more than that. But that's the way I like it baby, I don't wanna live forever."

Rockin' Pete F's assertion that "We are still one of the top clubs in the area" could be under threat as Lincolnshire neighbours Boston threaten plans to build a new 45,000-capacity all-seater arena on the shore of The Wash. Well, not quite. But Pilgrims owner Jon Sotnick has announced that the club is likely to begin moves to relocate from its current ground after a consultation thingy is completed in July. "I look around York Street and the facilities we offer are not up to the standard I want fans to be able to enjoy," is his rationale. Having attended Town's friendly at Boston last summer, the Diary is not quite sure to what facilities Sotnick could be referring, since there seemed to be a perfectly adequate space in which to stand and watch football.

"The pair had both been expected to miss the rest of the season with a dislocated shoulder and torn thigh respectively. But they have returned to light training in a race to get match fit for the relegation decider." Your guess is as good as mine is as good as that of the increasingly erratic Grimsby Telegraph website, which seems to have overlooked the need for an opening paragraph, but the Diary is going to guess at John McDermott and Greg Young.

Probably nine times out of ten, when the Telegraph uses the word 'swamped', it is trying to make people hate asylum seekers and blame them for the woes of the world instead of looking at millionaire businessmen who spend half their lives on golf courses and pay their workers the minimum wage. Today, though, it does so to characterise the plight of the GTFC ticket office, which has apparently been overrun with fans wishing to attend this weekend's epoch-defining away game at Tranmere Rovers. Tickets went on sale at 9 o'clock this morning and the Telegraph suggests, perhaps a little fancifully, that all 2,100 will get shifted; there again, it adds that the club is looking at running buses to the match, and it's not every day Grimbarians are arsed enough about their football club for that sort of extravagance to reach the agenda.

Finally today, an email from Miles Moss calls attention to a breathtaking piece of investigative journalism from the BBC, which offers the dazzling revelation that "Leeds supporters have trips to the likes of Rotherham and Crewe to look forward to next season after their relegation to Division One." Well, yeah, MM, but what's this got to do with the Mariners? "Last year this would have read '...the likes of Grimsby'," Miles points out. "Relegation to Division Two was a PR masterstroke by the club as a whole, avoiding such awkward and embarrassing lazy journalism. A further drop to the third division only gets us further away from the usual poor sports hackery, and should be welcomed." This strikes the Diary as precisely the kind of 'my cup is half full' spirit we need, and readers are invited to email diary@codalmighty.com further suggestions as to why Town should welcome Division Three with open arms.