Cod Almighty | Diary

Kicking misshapen balls into the basket case of history

13 June 2022

With season ticket sales set to go through the psychologically important six billion mark by the start of the season, your ever Deviant Diary has his thumbs up and Fred Pontin on the brain. Here is a public service announcement: "Book early!"

And another thing, that old fridge, ask your local council to take it away or tell you how to dispose of it, before it kills a child.

You know it makes sense. Are you still trying to take it all in, are your senses still working overtime? So long ago, was it just a dream? It seemed so very real. Yes, there was magic in the air but what more can I say eight days a week later? Well I don't need to, for our own, our very (occasionally) own Rich Lord, the current beau in the know, has penned a marvellous summation of Petwood and Stockits' nation building.

Read it. Now!

Everything is beautiful and everything is sweetness and light in DN35, for after the Hollow Man's Crazy Gang partying in the church of the poisoned minds we now have Chairman Wow's culture club.

Well, not everything is sweet for all our band of brothers. The retained list shuffled out on Saturday, containing nothing unexpected but with sadness and sighing around the lands. Jamie Mack and Maximum Wright have departed, one withered by age and the other failed by a flimsy frame. We hail your life in stripes and wish you and everyone else well. We particularly wish mad Danny Rose good luck in finding a therapist.

In a special feature that I have just made up to the consternation of the Cod Almighty editorial board, we're going to pen little eulogies for all those dearly departing our world. Let's get a little sentimental over one or two, for we'll miss Eric O'Sousages and Lennie's lovely smile. So it's goodbye to you, Maximum Wright, you've been with Town since you were nine or ten, at least you had a couple of seasons in the sun.

When there is sweetness, there's always something sour lurking in the darker recesses of the internet. You can always rely on the Grimsby Torywag to get it wrong for, after Elliot the Ewok's short reign of error, his locally-sourced replacement has got off to a bad start, boldly announcing Shaun of the Pearson and David Chaise-Longue are "not up to the standard to fill in long term". I could give you a link to this tosh, but it will only encourage them.

Young Sam, you have learned unwisely at the feet of the Ewok. Never presume, never assume, open your heart and open your mind.

And finally, no not a skateboarding duck, but Dame Kristine, Lady of the lower bit of the Pontoon, attended the Bananarama's end of season bash in deepest Wales. There she was just a-sitting in a seat, snapping her fingers and shuffling her feet as a montage of this season to end all seasons was screened.

Guess which team they didn't show?

Play-offs, what play-offs? Well, we're gone now.