Cod Almighty | Diary

The gospel according to Newbegin Diary, Chapter 81, verses 1-9

29 December 2025

And it came to pass that on the day after the day of rejoicing, there was no rejoicing for Town drew 0-0 with Oldham.

And though Jaze Kabia did scamper ceaselessly in the wilderness still he did not receive a pass worthy of the name, unless he were to grow six inches.

For though Charles Vernam frolicked merrily when he saw that Jayden Sweeney was near, and though he made the Oldham right back quake with fear, still his crosses fell on stony ground.

And so there were lamentations, and one whose wits were truly copulated did have a tweet broadcast urging that Dave Artell be sacked.

For it is written that for a fan to enter the kingdom of BBC Humberside they must allow no nuance to enter their speech, but must sound as the emptiest of vessels.

And but four months after the Mariners had slain Manchester United, when all had spake that we would piss the league, now there were furtive glances at the bottom of the table.

Yet tonight Grimsby shall meet Shrewsbury, and should they win there will once more be much rejoicing.

For the prophets say that there shall be more delight over the harvesting of three points after a barren spell than for eternal success in a land of riches.

And they beseech wise women and men to follow the star and the satnav to Blundell Park that they may be among the number who shall adore the newborn win.